I don’t celebrate well… this is stinking amazing and I avoided getting too excited or sharing too much in public because I didn’t want to break down? Perhaps? or I am just really bad at focusing on the win rather than the seventeen years it took to get here?
I’ve tried to come up with some valid excuses.
- “I have serious joy because I know the end game”
- “I’m not the cheerleader type… never have been”
- “I like to worship, that’s celebration, right?”
Nope! not cutting it. I still need to celebrate, even if I have to try, learn and practice doing it better.
I decided somewhere in the last decade and a half I was made for hard stuff. Life is hard. We have to dig deep and keep moving forward. I aim to draw closer to the one who gives strength. I’ve put endless verses about struggle in my toolbox. We’ve sought professional counseling, podcast, and books throughout the years. I put wise God-fearing people in my life and given them permission to speak truth and accountability.
I have the lingering fear of what life can bring because I’ve had some doses of “This is just too much, Lord”. It’s part of being human in a fallen world. I also know that HE is greater and HIS good is always better than any trouble we face.
I’ve seen the side of pain in my own life and not feared it in others. I step into hard places without hesitation because He’s gotten me through and I know his promises of never leaving and making everything beautiful in its time are tried, tested and true.
I don’t celebrate well. I think it should be natural like the contestants on the price is right who jump around, hoot and holler when their names are called. What could make me do that? When HE comes through and answers a prayer in a big way, I want to celebrate. I want to sit in awe when He blesses for no other reason than he can but I don’t.
I’m in a season where it’s my “job” to pray. I’m the prayer chair for a ministry and I’m loving that my role is to draw closer to the heart of God. I’m a rule follower. If it is in my job description to do something, I do it. While there are strategies and ways to do it better, there isn’t a perfect formula. I’ve been reading books and stumbling around what being a prayer chair means, but in God’s grace, I’ve found Jerimiah 29:13 is true, “When you seek me you will find me when you seek me with all your heart.” I may not be eloquent or polished in my words and ways, but I am just a girl seeking the Lord’s guidance and finding direction in my awkward process.
I’ve made a habit of walking with the Lord not because I’m awesome and strong, but because I am weak and this journey of life has kicked my butt. I don’t know any other way to keep going. My strong connection to Him birthed out of desperation and the concrete knowledge I really, really cannot operate without him.
I’m avoiding my weakness… I’ve laid out a good, solid case for who I am and why, but I still cannot defend how poorly I celebrate. Not only don’t I celebrate well, but I don’t like to celebrate. I’m not a fan of parties in general. I enjoy the people and the connecting, but the party hats, confetti, games… UGH! I really don’t like party games! Nope. I don’t like it.
In His grace, we’ve had so many wins lately. So many reasons to celebrate, but I feel like it’s all trapped inside. My heart is grateful… so very grateful, but I don’t know how to alert my face, my words or my actions to let it out.
I won’t be jumping up and down anytime soon because that is not who I am, but I do want to learn how to celebrate better… to sit down and bask in the joy of a victory. I don’t want to move on to the next task until I let the win sink in. I don’t want to be on to the next battle before “hooray” escapes my mouth. I think my best response to anything great lately has been “PTL”. I don’t even take the time to write Praise The Lord?
For several months now I’ve been writing down 10 new things to be thankful for each day. It has been a great tool to change my perspective and live with a grateful heart, but this next season I want to learn to celebrate. I want to enjoy the win!
Start here with me… We’ve been trying to get this gal to scoop for over a decade!
Psalm 150:1-6 ESV
Praise the Lord! Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens! Praise him for his mighty deeds; praise him according to his excellent greatness! Praise him with trumpet sound; praise him with lute and harp! Praise him with tambourine and dance; praise him with strings and pipe! Praise him with sounding cymbals; praise him with loud clashing cymbals! …
1 Corinthians 10:31 ESV
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
Luke 15:23-24 ESV
And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate.
1 Corinthians 5:8 ESV
Let us therefore celebrate the festival, not with the old leaven, the leaven of malice and evil, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.
Ecclesiastes 3:4 ESV
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
Ecclesiastes 3:13 ESV
Also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God’s gift to man